Excerpts from: The Adventures of the Cosmiccomics
The Last Breakfast
One day we (that is the Cosmiccomics ( that is Buddy and I)), not feeling very adventurous, decided to grab a bite from the Cafe at the end of the Universe.
While there we met up with a few old friends. Some of them were there for lack of anything better to do, some were there to catch the ultimate punchline to the longest running joke ever and others (like ourselves) were simply hungry. I was hoping we would catch up with the Space Dandy but we were told he was at a Boobies, the one over by the Tannhäuser Gates. Buddy and I agreed the next time the Universe ended we would go there instead.
At our table, I ordered some pancakes and a cafe mocha, the last in the universe.
“A towel, I need a good towel”
I looked up to see that Buddy had picked up and was reading a copy of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy“ and the look on his face was one of total epiphany.
“You need to read this.” as he passed me the book, his finger pointing to the entry on ‘Towels.’
Ever since, I have carried a towel wherever I go,
On acquiring the magic compass
We acquired the Jerusalem Compass, which always points toward the center of the Universe, from the great mage Alan Moore. Being bound by an oath of secrecy that is all that can be said of that. See “Jerusalem”
Dungeons, no Dragon
The Cosmiccomics (that is we (that is Buddy and I and another) found an abandoned Hobbit hole and so we decided to move in.
While partaking in some pipe weed with a few friends I invited them all on an adventure of Middle Earth, I was familiar with Middle Earth (having explored it regularly since I was a child) and offered to serve as a guide. They agreed.
With heed we did speed fo the isle of Tolfalas In the Bay of Befalas in the south of Gondor, a favorite spot of mine, which at the time remained largely unexplored. As there were no more dragons in the world, with the recent demise of Smaug, we hoped to explore a few dungeons.
What follows are a few highlights of our adventures there, for a full accounting of these tales please see: Unnamed Composition Notes; Unnamed Composition Graphs; Five Star Blue Notebook; Box of Character Sheets; Atlas to Middle Earth by Fonstad; The Similrillion, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by Tolkien; Clip of notecards; Oral Histories.
We arrived in Middle Earth during the fall of 2944 in the Third Age (1344 by Shire Reckoning), waking up on “Survival Beach” of Tolfalas. The Grey Beard greeted the party there and had all pledge “By the Flames Imperishable and the grace of the Valar go I.”
The party was later hosted and mentored, for a period of time, by the mysterious Castamir on his homestead south of the town Dôr-ëar.
The first few month’s most memorable events include: the slaying of a few boar; encounters with thieves; acquiring of combat and survival skills; fending off of wolves in the Cervine Glade; the felling of many rabbits for stew and such; the meetings of Orin the Ranger, Ghari the innkeeper (and our pipe weed source); Kiath a captain of Gondor, Re’ad the blacksmith; Wehell (an early settler in those parts) and a friendly bull-mastiff. Side note: we at one time thought the mastiff had tragically perished in an arson’s fire and we were relieved to learn otherwise.
Things got interesting upon learning about and exploring an ancient series of catacombs near the Cervine Glade. It was there deep in the Chamber of Ages that Mor’ke’men the Dark Numenorean was encountered. Seemingly having defeated the evil wright, a gold plated book was discovered that crumbled into dust when touched, ushering the dawn of an endless night of the undead. The vision of the walking dead passed (Though the vision would later prove prophetic, at least in part).
Only ash and the front and back gold-plates remained of the book. Each gold cover portrayed a different image, the front was of an angelic-like lady extending as if to gift a fruit and the back cover was of a lone eagle atop a mountain peak with an unknown mountain range in the background.
Passing through the vision and out of the Catacombs, Raster the bandit was met (but as it would turn out he wasn’t a bandit but actually an assassin of the secret Jinan Syndicate, a mostly unknown opportunistic information network with an “ends justifies the means” creed.) Seems Raster only wanted to lay eyes on the artifacts, as he made minimal effort in relieving the party of its find .
The party arrived back at Castamir’s more or less at about the same time as his past. It was learned that, Castamir was actually Malomar, one of if not the most feared captains of the Umbar Corsairs. Captain Malomar was ordered to raid and slaughter a costal village in an attempt to incite a war. He refused the order and his second, Taseb, attempted to bring him to trial to face the death penalty. Castamir fled and hid his identity. Unfortunately Castamir’s identity was discovered by a recon-party of Corsairs, gathering information on Gondor’s presence in Tolfalas. As it happened this band of pirates was under the command of Taseb. Castamir was waylaid by a squad of corsairs and brought before Taseb, who looked to improve his reputation by adding Slayer of the Dread Pirate Malomar to his moniker,
Taseb arranged for an unfair fight to the death but even a handicapped Malomar/Castamir would prove a match and so they both met their doom at the ruins on the cliff.
The ruins were of an ancient light house that ages past guided white sailed ships offshore (as revealed in a vision which was seen upon discovering a set of plaques that matched the gold covers of the book.) Entering the ruins, a deep underground dungeon was discovered which eventually descended into a massive tomb of a prison. The tomb was made to imprison Mor’ke’men’s lord, the ultimate lock being the book from the catacombs.
During one of Mor’ke’men’s taunting monologues, it was learned he had stolen the book to free his imprisoned lord, at the cost of being cursed as undead forever more. Bringing the book back turned out to be a bad idea as it broke the spell imprisoning him in the catacombs. Mo’ke’men now unleashed, the ground opened up and the party fell as if into the center of the world. Landing softly in a room in which sat a golden book on a pedestal and a set of magical doors, each emanating the life force of the individual explorers plus one that flickered images of strange and fascinating foreign landscapes…
From: The Eagles of the Lords of the West and Yavanna’s gift, A history of the Rings of Beren and Lúthien
… of Tolfalas in the Bay of Belfalas … with the Breaking of Thangorodrim and the felling of the Blue Mountains and the flooding of Beleriand during the War of Warth… Hîrroval (Lord of Wings) son of Landroval, descendant of Thorondor, during the Second Age settled in the Impregnable Mountains as the Southern Eyes of Numenor…
Guru Rick gets his rocks off
On the road to Jerusalem we were discussing Turvsky’s new book “Crime of the Fathers and Punishment of the Suns” when we were approached by an heavenly celestial being.
“Sorry to interrupt” she said “But I like your towel.” Referring to my blue Turkish towel.
“Thanks” I said.
“Ok, see you about” said she.
“Ok bye” said Buddy and I as she vanished.
“Dang.”
“What’s that, Buddy?”
“I forgot to ask who her God was.”
Since we never could predict when we would next randomly cross path’s with a Celestial we decided to seek one out.
We abandoned the road to Jerusalem and so headed for Colorado. Long we searched the caves and crevices of the Rockies until at long last we found the ‘Cave of the Most Rick.’ Paying homage we approached Guru Rick and he granted us a single boon. I nodded to Buddy, he nodded back and then he asked Rick “Who is your God?”
With that all perceptions melted away and where once was Rick there now was Śivah with Shakti as one, in Mahamudra.
The vision exploded into pure light and just like that he was Rick again in missionary with a strange alien being.
Backing out of the cave we gave reverence and prostrations and thanked Guru Rick the whole while he berated us with countless profanities going on about wanting a little privacy.
From: The Lone Adventures of Buddy
Much can be said about the rise and fall of the Safari King, the world conquering avatar of Buddy, and his many adventures including his ironic addiction to joy. The Safari King atop his noble steed, The Brutal Moose, carved out a massive empire and ruled from horizon to horizon.
After many a battle and conquest and during his reign that followed the Safari King made more than a few bitter enemies. Enemies that want nothing more than to see the Safari King’s head on a platter (or a spike, or the floor, anywhere other than atop his neck.)
That said and as Buddy is still rather attached to his head, for a full accounting of these tales one should refer to the Oral Histories of the Safari King.
Namo
We, the Cosmiccomics, take refuge in the tri-sarana at Mahabodhi where we pay homage to the many Gurus we have learned from. The following are just a few of many:
Namo Guru: JRR Tolkien; Shinichirō Watanabe; Dan Harmon; Douglas Adams;; Alan Moore; Justin Roiland; Pendleton Ward; ; Duncan Trussell; Ivan Turgenev; Fyodor Dostoevsky; Brutalmoose (aka Ian Macleod.)
#TALES OF THE CROSSROADS
